For starters...Summer break is here!!! Which is why I am finally blogging ;) Doesn't mean we are completely stopping school but definitely cutting back. Blake still has a lot to do in Math. NOT his strong subject at all. Another perfect example that just amazes me as far as seeing Ben and I in the boys. Blake may look like Ben but he has my personality. So I just assumed he would learn like me....WRONG! He is just like his Daddy. Great reader, but terrible at math. For some reason he just doesn't get it...even the simple things. Ugh. It is going to be a long road. :/ So we are going to start be extra proactive and work hard.
If you missed the announcement, the boys got into the school I wanted. I am really excited for this school year. I get to be a PTA mom!!! I plan to volunteer as much as possible. And maybe helping out at the school will help me to get my confidence back to teach again. May start subbing first and see if I am really done with teaching or if I just got burnt out. Definitely something that needs to be toyed with before I start something new and spend a fortune on school!
Serious note. Faith in God is something I have really struggled with for a while now. It was shaky in high school and then when I lost my Dad in took a nose dive. I was very angry for a long time. I felt like of all the people in the world, why my Dad? He gave his whole life to the Lord. Shared the Lord with hundreds of people every Sunday. Even during the 8 years he battled cancer, he believed that it was all God's plan and there was a reason. So why was he tortured for 8 years and then taken from me? I couldn't understand that. Then I had the boys and I was angry again because they never met their Grandpa. For those who don't know, I am talking about my adopted Dad. My mom and him married when I was little. He raised me. He loved me like I was his and never had too. That is so honorable to me. I would give anything just to see him with my boys. So with all that said, my relationship with God became very bitter. I became skeptical of everyone. My faith in everyone started disappearing. Now I look in the mirror and feel like I let the best parts of me disappear too. I used to be optimistic. I viewed the world as a wonderful place. I believed that people were genuinely good and trusted easily. I was a positive person who felt like if you work hard, good things will happen. I am starting to think that my spiral into negativity started when I pushed God out of my life. So I have made the decision to start exploring my relationship with him again. Ben and I went to church yesterday and really liked the very first one! Which is amazing. They have so many opportunities to explore your faith and get involved in making a difference in others too. I have no idea where this will take me but I am finally ready to stop questioning and start having a little faith. Few things in life have a guarantee, so why did I start demanding one. Ben is being so supportive. His beliefs and relationship with God are his own, I will support him in anything but I don't expect him to dive in just because I am. I just really appreciate his support and willingness to go with me and to share this with the boys. I feel really good about this new chapter. So here is to the better me!
Exciting....Linda is coming on Friday! The boys don't know she is coming. They will be so excited to see her. We are hoping to go camping again. We will definitely be snorkeling. :D
No comments:
Post a Comment